What's Your Why?
I'm going to get a bit deep in this post and a bit personal, so bare with me. It's just something that's been on my mind a lot lately and I figured, why not write about it? Maybe it will clear up some cobwebs in my head and it might be just what others need to hear as well.
Do you know what your reason for wanting better health is? What's motivating you each day to fill your plate with mostly plants? Why are you setting an alarm date with yourself to get some activity in? When is your next "me time" going to be? Well, I wasn't really sure of any of these answers the past few weeks either, until today. Let me explain a bit more...
After you have one kiddo the question always pops up, "are you going to have another?" If your family is Indian the question normally is, "when are you having another?" When you have your second cherub, many don't question you so much, unless you have 2 kiddos of the same gender. I've been paying attention to this a lot lately as I look at photos, talk to close friends, and even observe critters preparing for their young. In our family, and with many close friends, I've noticed the couples who have 1 boy and 1 girl tend to stop there. I always had in my mind this big picture of a large dining room table, all of us gathered around sharing a home cooked meal and it being noisy, but a lovable noisy. It's the sound of family sharing stories, laughing, and asking for seconds or thirds of what's in front of them. Talking about their day, teasing each other, and my husband and I smiling as we look out and think "we created this." After my second pregnancy, the picture is still there, but a little fuzzy. The question remains in my head about whether we want to continue to add on to our family, or just keep it the four of us. With two early deliveries, but the last one being even earlier and more complicated, I really have to explore whether it's the best choice for my body. When I rock my little boy in the evening to put him to bed, I catch myself constantly wondering "will this be my last round of all of this?" I get teary eyed, because I had a very different answer a year ago. My doctor encouraged me to explore the thought this year and focus on myself, and next year we will talk about it again. She talked to me about the idea of women having a hard time letting go of the fact that we are getting beyond childbearing years. I explained to her it's not just about that, it's about my dream .
Then I catch myself during the day thinking how could I even think about having another one: sharing play time, not enough one-on-one time, cost of events, school tuition, etc etc etc. Do I even want to go back to getting up every 2 hours in the night? We just got past that! We want to travel again a bit, take our oldest to see things and we are finally getting to that point again.
Today it hit me as I was staring at a slice of 7-Up cake I had made. Long story short, it's been a tough few weeks and definitely more emotional eating than I had been doing last month. Closing my classroom and studying for my assessment at IIN was leading me to crave more sweets. I stared at the cake and was wondering when the "aha" was going to come back and slap my hand away. Not because I didn't think I deserved a slice, but because I wasn't even hungry. As I was standing there, thinking about all this tossing and turning about having more kiddos, and how I have this fear of kids going away and these years just passing me by too fast, I wondered what if I wasn't even fully here to enjoy what's happening NOW? I have these beautiful children right in front of me and all I can get sappy about is "the what if's." Being in this fog and worrying about things I don't have, is making me lose sight of what's right in front of me. If I don't take care of my body NOW, then I might lose some time with them down the road because of the health choices I am making. Eating more refined sugars, white flour, and excess because of stress or worry can make my timeline shorter. Then it's me taking myself away from them. I emphasize the word "now" because when I am looking towards the future or past, I am not even enjoying the present. So what's my "why?" Why am I on this journey to a better health? Why did I enroll in IIN and decide I want to help others? Well here's my list...
reduce inflammation in my legs
So to get back to all my questions about family, there's not answer yet. And that's ok! What's more important is focusing on the here and now and my own wellbeing. If you and beginning on your health journey, I encourage you to also think about what's driving you to be more present? Why are you interested in making some changes? What's stopping you? Feel free to send a message on here if you need input or journal about it. It's amazing how great it feels!